It has always been a point of interest and curiosity, noticing how we develop as educators throughout the span of years. I started my journey in education more than nineteen years ago - in my late teens, teaching at a tutorial center, and later after graduation, became a teacher.
At that stage, I was what is called by many, "a fresh graduate" – vibrant, limitless, highly-anticipating a smooth path. However, as I delved deep into the heart of my daily work in education, and my responsibilities expanded in the form of senior management, pressure lurked beneath the enthusiasm and the dedication. That was even more evident because of parenthood responsibilities, which were growing year after another. At that stage, I started pondering, as I noticed development in my leadership that can, with respect to some aspects , be easily interrelated with my motherhood.
Few months ago, I had the chance to participate in a joint study conducted by Joachim E. Lask from Work Family - Institut und Dr. Nina M. Junker from Goethe-Universität Frankfurt, Germany, revolving around a salient theme: role of parenthood-acquired skills in the professional development of employees and the role of managers in harnessing these skills. The study is still in progress and I am being updated by the results, which I will share in a later article once the study is finished. The following is my own observation about the topic, and after the study is completed and is fully released by the institute, much more will be disclosed, based on that research and evidence collected.
Throughout my experience as a director and observing other directors and principals in the Middle East, I noticed that many prefer single teachers, whether males or females, simply because they have less obligations, less emergency home or school calls, and less absence/tardiness rates. However, after close observations of myself, the staff around me, and the people I know, there exist skills that are not originated from previous work experiences, training courses, or coaching sessions. Those skills are simply soft skills, some of which are good communication, listening, patience, assertiveness, determination, and more. As classified by the study of Mr Lask and Dr. Junker, these soft skills fall under three major categories: Task-related competences, relationship-related competences, and self-oriented skills.
When we first become parents, we are excited about the tiny tots: their tiny toys, tiny toes, tiny teeth, and all their “tiny” cuteness. However, sleep deprivations, baby tummy tantrums, uncertainties about general daily tasks and stages, trigger those first feelings of fear, doubt, and sometimes even occasional regret, which lead to conflicts. These conflicts ought to be resolved, dictated by our sense of survival and relief from stress and anxiety.
That’s why we parents, start searching for strategies and techniques that can cement fractures right on the spot. These techniques are not taught in schools and universities. On the contrary, they are born out of situations, faced continuously or intermittently. Fathers and mothers sometimes solve problems right at the spur of the moment, if it is something familiar, learned through their own parents, their peers, or even sorted out through their common sense. Some other cases are not solved instantly. Instead, those fathers and mothers later discuss, reflect, hypothesize, apply and evaluate.
The issues faced in both cases are resolved, and if not totally, they are reduced. Hence, positive outcomes can most of the time display themselves, and consciously or unconsciously, fathers and mothers, find themselves, satisfied with their feats and the tested strategies and techniques used. Consequently, this satisfaction transfers itself to become an actionable step to solve a task, handle a situation based on relationship, or merely a skill to handle one’s attitude.
When it comes to accomplishing a task, whether it is highly significant or not, some skills are required. These are task-related skills, which are mainly part of the general personality traits. The first and most fundamental trait in a parent is accepting and handling situations and tasks with responsibility. Responsibility is knowing that it is one’s duty to manage the situation or task. Apart from accountability, which means being obliged to explain the outcomes and provide evidence of completing a task successfully, responsibility comes with less tension of having to make a final decision, but still attaches a person to a specific task, along with its procedures. Therefore, this task-related skill also involves discipline, commitment, determination, organization and an ability to prioritize and adjust certain steps within the framework of that responsibility.
It is not different in a workplace, when an employee is hired to accomplish certain tasks within the framework of their job descriptions, and the first trait needed to prove eligibility is showing responsibility, carrying out the delegated tasks.
Few of the displayed traits that parent employees can derive from their roles as responsible parents:
1. Recognition of the desired need: They become more aware and responsive to the need(s) designated by that task.
2. Consistency and discipline: which are indispensable. Taking care of children and attending to their needs and comforts are not an occasional matter; this continuously demands attention and action. In the same way employees cannot simply bring a process to a halt, whenever a challenge arises, or a relieving sign appears.
3. Modifying one’s method to fit the need: In the workplace, that is called flexibility, an essential trait that an employee should accept as a concept, and implement as a strategy, predicated on the situation.
Relationship-related skills, such as perspective awareness, communication, teamwork, self-esteem, and positive attitude, are fundamental to parents in delivering their messages to their spouses and to their children, with the least conflicts and drawbacks. Therefore, during a situation, a parent is urged to explain his/her perspective, use the right words and context to make the point clear to the listener, a spouse or a child, collaborate with the spouse to find the right strategy for the issue, and above all, maintain a positive attitude, if one is keen about a successful bond and a comforting, caring home environment. This, needless to say, builds up self-esteem, as the parent reaches a solution to a problem.
To increase employee engagement, the above-mentioned relationship-related skills can be utilized. Companies and corporations are structured in the form of relationships – colleagues, senior management, clients or customers. Businesses are built upon working as teams, communicating to deliver a task, offer a service, or sell a product, harnessing positive attitudes for more positive and productive environments. Mirroring a specific perspective can be sometimes more easily done by a parent, who has already gone through patient listening and reflection before jumping out into conclusions or blurting with destructive responses.
The same skills are vividly present in companies and corporations, when they are stakeholder-oriented. Managing businesses in this twenty-first century necessitates a totally different approach, that which directs its efforts and focus on the needs of its employees and customers, rather than a distant vision and mission. Throughout my experience as a director, I have created not only positive performance outcomes but outstanding ones, because I could not separate myself as a parent from the Heads of Departments and teachers, who were parents as well. Listening beyond just the words, fostering a caring approach strengthened the staff’s loyalty, dedication, creativity, and ownership. Establishing a stakeholder-oriented atmosphere, a climate and culture, empowers the organization and develops more leaders and innovators.
However, the DEBRI :
Why do these fundamental skills that parent – employees develop remain useless?
1. Home-Work Separation Rule: What happens at home should remain at home, and not be brought to work. This is true and important in terms of negatively influencing performance at work by the issues at home or involving/distracting others with home issues, or taking advantage of such home issues to draw compassion or excuses. When senior management blocks the idea of “home” or any implication about it, these skills remain hidden, instead of drawing upon their benefits during training sessions.
2. Lack of feedback in terms of positive attitude displayed by parent employees. Communicating positive observations is substantial for showing understanding, caring, and professional empowerment.
It is important to note that all the above traits lie at the grassroots level of leadership of oneself and others. Whilst simple skills practiced by parents at home may remain unrecognized, they can be of great value at the workplace. Directors, managers, and CEOs can foster these skills and redirect them to design a family-friendly environment, tapping into mutual growth and long-term value.
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